Questions

Here is a little known fact about me.....I constantly have a million and a half questions running through my mind at ANY given time.  They are super random and one question leads to another and another and another and 90% of the time I give myself a headache from thinking so much. Here is what my day looked like today.......

Why oh why did the nice, helpful doctor have to be, most likely, the scariest character in all time on American Horror story?!?

Bro....why you gotta play me like that?!? I trusted you to help my little reporter friend?! You go behind my back like that?!? Sorry for that awful spoiler alert....hopefully y'all already knew this awful piece of information.

As I'm walking around the mall tonight I wonder...do girls not have any idea that their bright pink thong is hanging out the back of their pants? Do they not feel a breeze? I wonder when Victoria's Secrets next panty party is...I can always use a new pink thong? Why did I get SO lucky ONE time in my life and get $100.00 on my secret reward card? Was that my one free Victoria's Secret pass into their secret reward world? Will that ever happen again? Ugh American Eagle sure has a shitton of cute stuff. Why do I feel like I need these shorts in every color?! Why is the summer style crop tops? I really need to start going to the gym, because I can't find clothes if I don't get skinny. When did I have so much self control to not buy a million things? When did Express have a cute effing thing around every corner?!? See how exhausting my brain is??

Anyways, the reason for that little tangent there is because in one of my random thought days, I got to thinking about my life. How do things happen the way they are supposed to happen? I found this amazing little quote one day:

I googled the word happenstance. The correct definition for this word according to the Internet (which we know it's correct because the Internet is alllllways right) it is: a circumstance that is due to chance. I thought it was super interesting and then the questions started pilling up again and I spent a whole night engaged in people's writings on blogs and psychology behind this idea, It really is so interesting people's thoughts on this concept. I've always been a "glass half full" kind of person, so I think that it is wonderful to "leave things to chance" even though it is a little bit scary.

Back in the day when I used to go to church we learned about how our life is planned depending on our choices, blah blah blah, I am not going to go into all of that. Along with my questions, I have a very strong imagination. So I think I've made it very clear that I believe is God and when I was younger I pictured God sitting at a desk for hours with a million timetables of my life...each time table represents a choice in my life and where my life will go depending on the choice I will make. Kind of silly I know, but I was young and that image has never changed. I do believe there is a plan for mine and everyone's life and that your life is based off of happenstance because you make all your decisions in life. Now I have made some bad decisions in my life, but I feel like every decision has put me in this amazing spot in my life.

I'm going to have a bragging moment here. I. Am. So. Lucky. Things with Tony are AMAZING right now. I feel like him and I had to fall apart to come back stronger than ever! We still have a long road ahead of us, for sure, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I made the decision to get out of the shitty place I had been this past year, and happenstance and God took charge of the rest and it's perfect. Not many people get to start over with the love of their life, but I do and it's an incredible feeling. We recently went to Oregon for Tony's birthday and it was honestly the most perfect trip EVER. I mean look that is beautiful place!

I don't think I will every begin to fathom the amount of deep, deep love there is between Tony and I. After this past year, I didn't think we would ever be able to make it back together, but Tony waited for me for over a year to get my head out of my ass and figure my shit out,  I mean, let's get real here. When I think about the person I was this past year this is what I think of:

(Can you tell I'm obsessed with American Horror Story for a minute?)

Fo real, scary though. Tony is really an amazing guy and I am so lucky. Every day I find out more amazing things about him and I fall more and more in love....and we aren't even living together right now. I can only imagine the things the future has to hold for us. I don't think I'll ever know what I did right in my life to get a love like the one that I have, Trust me, it's amazing. The most amazing and most cherished thing in my life, and I for one, will never take that for granted again! I could go on and on and on about Tony in this post, but #1 I don't wanna make y'all jealous and #2 that will just give me millions of other blogs to write ;)

Another question that has crossed my mind time and time again is why certain people come into your life. What are they there to teach you or what are you supposed to learn from them. I always brag about my amazing friends at Chuck, because let's be real. I love those guys more than anything. I recently started a new job though, at Select Health. I was TERRIFIED to leave Primary Children's and cut my hours back at Chuck. I was so confident in myself at Primaries and I loved those kids more than anything. At Chuck, I do my job pretty well and I really enjoy it, but I had to make decisions to  move on with my life and take that next step, So I had to get a full time job with a steady income and good benefits. So, that lead me here...I cried on my first day of work driving there. Weird, I know, but I had a little bit of a mental breakdown. I had to do a good job here because my life was depending on this income. I could only get an apartment if I had a steady job, Along with apartments comes bills, groceries, etc. I have been down this path before, but I always had Tony's money to supplement me, that is why I have never HAD to work a full time job. I always had that kushy pillow to fall back on. So here, I am all by my little ol' self.

Surprisingly, it is amazing. I love the people who I work with and my training class and I are great friends.

Aren't we cute?

I mean, I am not sure exactly why these 4 people came into my life when they did, but I am so thankful it makes this transition into this next "phase of my life" so to speak a lot easier to deal with.  

So, this leads me to where I am in my life today. I don't know exactly how I got to be so lucky and got the gift of unconditional love and how I got the gift of an amazing family and millions of amazing friendships. Maybe, its happenstance or being in the right place at the right time. Or maybe it's just the luck of the draw or its fate. I am not sure, but all I know is that I did have everything that ment something to me taken away in the past year and I will never stop thanking God for the plan of my life and I will never take it for granted again. So on that note, My love is unconditional...(sometimes I wish that blogs had the Emoji feature so you could realize I was starting to sing that song.) 

xoxo-tay